Ryvaeus’ Neighborhood

I wish you knew how it felt to be rejected so completely the way I have been.

First day back in school today, and it was pretty good. Woke up really really early to try and get some work done - was only partly successful. I got dressed and tried to make myself look human. In keeping with my New Year's resolution to make the most out of my wardrobe, I put on an outfit I rather liked today.

Dress and necklace: Reading Room, Shoes: CMG, Bag: ALDO

Digression: I really love this dress. I bought it for myself as a Christmas present from the Reading Room in Cubao Expo. It looks really simple, but I love the details of the piece with its geometric pleats breaking up the stripes of the dress. The cut is also cute, with a mod feel. I also like that it isn't too short. The kicker for me though was the cute razorblade charm on the right sleeve of the dress. I bought it after really thinking about it, since it cost a bit more than I was willing to pay. It cost P450.

Sorry for the blurry photos.

Anyway, I got to school and met up with my group mates to review our presentation. It was fun, since most of my group mates are my friends. A funny incident occurred though. I'm pretty amused.

When I first arrived, my guy friend commented that the dress I was wearing was nice. I said thanks and went to work with them. Then later on, he looks at me carefully and asks, "Are you wearing makeup?" I feel a little conscious, and say that I put makeup on because I lacked sleep. He reassures me that it looks nice. After a while, when it was just the two of us working with the presentation he leans on my shoulder and SMELLS me, as in inhales really conspicuously on my shoulder. I don't really pay attention, kasi baka it was an awkward mistake lang. I figured that if it wasn't, then it was really flattering. Then after a while, he moves to my other side and does the same thing again! It was so funny! I'm really flattered, because I like to think it was an indirect compliment. Things go on as usual, and we head on to class.

Our report gets postponed because not enough people read. Really annoying since we did work on it. We consulted instead on it, so we got some points to focus on for the actual report. Headed off to Philo class. It was pretty boring, but I did get to exercise my brain some. Philo does make me think.

Headed to the ISO afterwards for my thesis meeting with my thesis mates. It was a pretty good meeting. Everyone was in generally high spirits from the Christmas break. We ended with kwentuhan and conversations about The Future, i.e. after March. I love my thesis groupmates.

Ended up having lunch with Steph, and we also had a really good conversation. I can't wait to talk to her tomorrow. I hope things went well with her today. We had sisig at the ISO caf, and it tastes different! It was creamy and spicy with liver in it. It used to be crunchy. :( Boo.

Kat and Ambat followed soon after. Ambat gave me the CD he burned for me (Meiko! So awesome!), and Kat got her ID from Steph. We sat down and had a good time, reminiscing and talking about our batch. I hope Ambat didn't feel too left out though.

Headed to Theo, and found out my deadline had been moved. Hallelujah! I won't be dying too hard on Thursday. XD Watched a video by Joey Velasco that I really liked. I think it's named "Hapag ng Pag-asa," similar to the painting the video is about. It was very poignant. It also made me aware of how lovely the Filipino language is. It makes cheesy statements a lot less cheesy. The subtitling could be better though.

After class, I went shopping for a planner. I bought one that I really like. I also bought makeup. >_< Guh. I better limit my expenses already. I shouldn't buy any new makeup until summer, except maybe for mascara. I gotta stop the crazy spending. I gotta save for graduation gifts and the boyfriend's birthday gift!

Now I'm cramming for my Theo orals tomorrow. I hope all goes well. Guh.

Windmills

it's been nearly a year since i last updated this blog. i love my vox, nonetheless, so i didn't delete it even if it's practically dead. so, i'm reviving it temporarily. if this would be my last post, then this would be its last breath of life.

i did say in one of the first posts that this was going to be a "hobby blog." since i haven't been able to make bento for a long, long time. i'm making a post about another hobby. i'm starting photography. i have taken a course on introduction to photography during my stay as an exchange student in seoul national university. even if i know nothing technically about the field, i still try.

the picture above was taken in seoul art centre, where the photography class had an outdoor lecture. they had this line of windmills behind a fence against the backdrop of a hill. i was taken by it. actually, i'm a lover of colors, and colorful things, so i couldn't resist taking pictures of the windmill. that's what came out.

it was edited slightly to boost the color.

i now have worthy bento-making tools. =3 i'm excited to get to use them, but right now, i do not have the time to prepare lunch boxes for myself or for my siblings. i bought myself some bento accessories, but i mostly received them from others.

here's my collection. i'm hoping that it'll get larger. (yay, for wishful thinking~) =D

the little tools:

1. add-on compartments
although it isn't clearly seen there, the little compartments have little animal designs. the green one's a dog; the orange one's a bear; the yellow one's an elephant; and the blue one's a rabbit.

the monkey, i presume, may be for ketchup or mayo, and has a little spoon that may be used to scoop out the contents.
(a present from ate mela)

2. sauce containers
(from the left) elephant, lion, chick, bear, panda, rabbit. arent' they adorable? X3
(a present from ate mela)

3. long picks
they're topped with little animals (ram, rabbit, monkey, dog, mouse, pig, dragon, tiger, cow, chicken, snake), too.  =D
(a present from ate mela)

4. bento wraps
dark blue, with a japanese girl in kimono, and blue sakura prints (a present from tita noemi); dark blue, hanami wrap, with cream floral prints (a present from ate mela); white, with dango and pastel floral prints (a present from ate mela)

lunch boxes:

1. table ware lunch box
has its own little spoon, a top compartment and a bottom compartment
(i bought it. =D P98.00)

2. hanami bento set
includes a lunch box with a removable divider, a matching chopstick set (with chopsticks, a case for the chopsticks, and its own draw-string bag), and a drawstring bento wrap. all printed with cherry blossoms. =)
(a present from ate mela)
 

3. doraemon lunch box
has two bottom compartments, and an add-on top compartment for the spoon. X3
(a present from anjel)

4. doraemon lunch box (w/ mini compartments)
has a total of five compartments. its cover is printed with doraemon. =3
(a present from najee)

saki, najee's friend's nickname. (i'm guessing it came from isaac, or was it she who told me that it came from isaac?) may 3rd was his birthday, but we made the bento for him two weeks ago. this was the most difficult bento ever yet, but then again, i love challenges. it was extra fun, because i made it with najee.

if i remember correctly, it took about an hour and a half to finish. after that, we took pictures. (camera, courtesy of the creative services. salamat, ate meann, kuya froi.)

here goes..

S.a.k.i

what's inside:

• hotdog - scattered all over
• lettuce - above the "I"
• grapes - to add color, and to accent the lettuce; also skewered with the spam.
• chocolates -  on the little muffin wraps at the upper half, later replaced by chicken teriyaki.
• sandwiches - cheese and peanut butter (whole wheat bread), alternated, where the letters were placed.
• spam - used to spell out s.a.k.i; cut-up and skewered (at the bottom left corner.); rolled up between two hotdogs (upper right corner)
• chicken tocino - in that area below the "A" sandwich.
• chicken nuggets - under the "S"
• egg - it's styled, albeit poorly, beside the "I"
• carrots - beside the egg.
• rice - beneath all that.

hah.so that's what's inside.. a very heavy meal.

happy birthday, saki.

There's a reason why people approaching senility can remember perfectly well their childhood friends, their highschool loves, family members long dead and gone. Memories, they make connections in our brain that grow stronger the more we recall them, the more meaning we attach to them. So the longer our relationships with people go, the more deeply etched they are in our memories, the harder it is to forget.

Twelve years. That's how long it's been since that first memory. And maybe that's why it makes me so angry.

It's not just being really sad at not having each other around. Not just being scared to lose. Not just being nostalgic from looking back and looking at where we are now - a few months short of being continents away, both literally and figuratively. It's being so fucking angry that none of it seems to matter, none of it merits an iota of EFFORT towards not being strangers. And of course, it's being really damn hurt.

You're right, you know? Your comment cut to the bone. And I hate being a girl about it, but it kinda made me tear.  The effort thing. But it just sucks that it isn't worth it. And of course, no matter how much I want to just pack her up from my life and ship her to Canada, the way she'll eventually pack up and ship her things, there's that nagging bit of sentimentality that can't. That actually cares. And it pisses me off that I can't just cut it off, and pack it away along with her.

I hate that this affects me so badly. I hate that I was really happy today, for no reason at all - I actually felt like myself again after a long while - but that got shot to hell, when I thought of this. I hate that it bothers me. I hate that it means something.

I don't know her anymore. And I'm afraid to now.

i made this a month ago for ate mela, who was bugging me to make her bento before she went to japan. since, i thought that the food wouldn't be allowed on the plane, i made her one when she was going to have her goodbye picnic party with her friends.

Bento~!

2 comments

what's inside:

• random sweets -  the left chamber. the sweets on the top are skewered; underneath, they're just randomly mixed (includes, gummy bears, worms, marshmallows, mm's, and chocolate rocks.)
• croquette - those beautiful golden brown rectangular things. XD
• skewered stuff -  er. those are hotdogs, rolled sandwiches, and cut-up food-for-the-gods

this kind of looks like the other bento that i have already made before, but this was extra memorable. this was the last thing that i have ever did for my sister before she went to japan. it'll be quite a long time -- two years -- before i can do her favors again.

i like this because of the croquettes, too. X3 i made them. with help, of course. i loved how they turned out a pretty golden-brown, plus they were really creamy and delicous.

otsukaresama~!

I just don't know how to handle it when people go away - whether they change schools or leave the country or however it is that they suddenly fall out of my reach. A lot of the time it's my fault as well. Things happen and I get to this point where I'd rather not talk about things, usually out of shame. Or I get irritated and bugged for some petty reason or another, and would rather not talk to the people at all.

As with all bad habits, it's always easiest in the beginning.

But I've finally gotten to the point where I'm so disconnected from so many people, that thinking about it has depressed me. Maybe it's my psycho defense mechanism for getting left behind so often - detach yourself before they leave, that way it won't hurt as bad. But I think that when you lose people you love, there's just no winning. It hurts when they leave. But it probably hurts just as bad when you realize that you lost them anyway by leaving first.

And as always I'm left missing people. *sighs*

Now I'm just really scared I'll eventually lose everyone I care about to this insane compulsion.